Confusion
by Miqila
Summary: Having gained the power of the Colossal Titan, Armin is no longer sure what thoughts in his head are truly his and what are not. And that worries him.


**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, the plot or anything else about Shingeki no Kyojin.**

 **Warning: Spoilers are up to chapter 106. Not really that major, but keep it in mind if you hadn't caught up with the manga.**

 **Confusion**

Sitting there in front of her, staring down at the shell in his hands, Armin couldn't help but wonder if the thoughts in his head, the things he was feeling, were truly _his_. Once, what felt like a lifetime ago, Annie had been his comrade, one of many. She'd been as precious to him as everyone else, aside from his childhood friends Eren and Mikasa. It was odd, really, for they barely ever interacted with each other, but when they did there was always a certain understanding between them… or so Armin had thought; he no longer had any idea what had been going through Annie's head. However, part of him wanted to believe it had been the case on her part, too. Why else would she have let him live on that day when so many others died in her hands, not to mention under her feet. So yes, these feelings of understanding and friendship were real, were truly _his,_ but what about everything else he was feeling? The pity? The sorrow? The anger? The loneliness? The scariest of them all, the feeling of _attraction_?

The first four, he could admit. Could write them off as his own understandable and acceptable feelings. Knowing what had truly happened to Annie, it wasn't wrong to pity her. With everything and everyone they were losing, it wasn't unnatural to feel sorrow, not in front of the woman who was partly at fault. Anger, that one went without saying. That was the one that was easiest to admit. Loneliness was logical as well; with so many people dying around him and others betraying him, how could he _not_ be lonely?

But attraction? No, that was not him. Once upon a time, before he knew the truth, he had certainly respected Annie, admired even, but there was never any attraction, never any feelings that could be considered something else than friendship. He had not had any romantical feelings towards the girl.

Then again, did he really have them _now_? Was it possible that he was simply imagining things? He knew Berthold had had feelings for Annie; to him, it had been obvious. What if, knowing this, he was simply _imagining_ that he was carrying some feelings for Annie? It could certainly be possible; the first few months after eating the Colossal Titan, he had been worried that something else than the power and fragments of memories had been passed to him as well. Personality traits. Ideals. Will. Feelings. That had happened in the Reiss family, had it not? It had gotten Armin worried, so worried that he had the trouble sleeping the first nights… or perhaps it was simply the knowledge of the fact that he only had had thirteen years left to live _at most_. That was perfectly possible as well; while he was ready to die for a good cause, that didn't mean he _wanted_ to die.

In any case, no matter if the feelings were his or not or if they really were there in the first place or not, all Armin knew for sure was that he couldn't get Annie out of his mind. And that was what had led him here, to tell her about what had happened outside, just like he had many times before. At first, he had convinced himself that he spoke to Annie simply because he needed to get all those things off his chest and Annie was the only one who, without a doubt, wouldn't judge him, simply because she wasn't able to. But now he was no longer able to fool himself. Now, he knew for a fact that this was something else.

"Say, Annie… what's wrong with me?" he asked despite knowing full well that the woman couldn't answer. But if she could, Armin was pretty sure about what she'd say. He could almost hear it, hear the warrior asking him how the heck would _she_ know what was going through his head, telling him to figure it out on his own. Or maybe not; after all he really couldn't be so sure about knowing her anymore "When you ate… whoever carried the power of female titan before you, did you go through this too? Do you still do?"

That was another thing he had been wondering about. He knew Eren saw flashes of his father's and Frieda Reiss' memories, but he wasn't sure if it was the same for the trained warriors who knew how to use their powers. Did they see and experience these things too? Did it bother them? He didn't know and probably never would; he doubted even Zeke would bother answering that. Not that he would ask even if he thought the man would; he didn't trust the older Eldian, not yet. Probably never would. Asking Eren, who had more experience about this, was also off limits; as bizarre as it would've sounded just a few years back, he was no longer sure if his friend could be trusted. Not that he suspected Eren to have ill intentions; he was sure his longtime friend wanted what was best for everyone, but Armin just couldn't agree with his methods, not anymore.

He was on his own.

Shaking his head, Armin looked up at Annie from the shell in his hands, staring at the woman, hoping that something would happen. Maybe she'd open her eyes. Maybe a finger would move. Maybe the crystal would crack. Maybe there'd be _something_.

"I'll come again" he said with a sigh as he stood up and turned, taking one last look at Annie over his shoulder before walking away. He really, truly had to deal with this on his own, no matter if he liked it or not.

Such was the fate of a person with this destructive power.

 **A.N: Originally, this was supposed to have strong ArminXAnnie implications, but in the end it turned out to be more about just Armin… note that I actually** _ **am**_ **an AruAni shipper, even if the fic might make it seem like something else. While I would like it if Armin actually had feelings for Annie in canon, I tried to make this sound as realistic as possible, as close to as what I think Armin might be thinking in canon.**


End file.
